


Biscuits

by orphan_account



Category: Naruto
Genre: Family Fluff, Jounin Obito, M/M, Not Canon Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-21
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:28:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23753083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Obito suspects Kakashi is sneaking dog treats to their daughter.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Uchiha Obito
Comments: 10
Kudos: 123





	Biscuits

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in like an hour because I couldn't get the idea out of my head lmao. Also, I have no name for this kiddo. If you happen to have any names on the back burner and feel like sharing, please tell me. I'm absolutely atrocious with names.

The whispering stops. Obito grids his teeth, letting the jagged points of his molars squeak as they squeeze past each other. Kakashi’s heard him just beyond the corner and he was unable to catch a phrase, a word even. He pops his head into the doorway, right eye squinted in suspicion.

“Yo.” Kakashi is lying on one side, cheek squished by the hand that’s propping his head up. Their daughter is inspecting the right ear on her little stuffed gray puppy Kakashi had gifted her after a particularly long mission. A tiny thumb massages the worn felt. Crunches are following the motion of her jaw and crumbs trickle out of her clumsy lips.

There’s no evidence of any food either.

“What’s she eating?” he asks, now coming into full view. He’s been waiting for a slip-up like this. Ever since he caught Kakashi munching on something with only a dog biscuit box near him. That he had hurriedly hid when Obito walked in. There’s no way in hell this bastard was eating dog treats. No way. _And he was definitely not feeding them to their daughter._

Kakashi looks at her, pausing for just a moment. “Food.”

“What kind of food?”

“The edible kind.”

He can just imagine squeezing Kakashi’s throat until it closes. Was this really the same guy that lectured him on rules when they were younger? Who did he marry again?

He swoops down and scoops the baby up. Her right hand clenches his shirt in a little fist. Lifting her chin up with the hook of his index finger, he puts on his serious-but-not-serious face. “What’s Daddy been feeding you when I’m not looking, huh?”

Dark eyes blink at him. She babbles what he thinks might be the early signs of words before she starts slobbering on the puppy’s ear. So much for thinking she’d spit out a dog biscuit; she’ll put anything in there. Worse yet, he can’t smell anything distinctive on her breath.

“Well, Papa’ll have whatever she’s having.”

Kakashi quirks one brow into an arch. “You sure?”

Hm. That makes him squint. He bites out, “I’m sure.” 

His husband shrugs and then pushes himself onto his feet. Which takes much longer that it should because Kakashi is an old man in spirit and acts like his body (that hasn’t yet reached thirty) is already in disrepair. Once on his feet, he fishes for something in his pocket and pulls out-

_A goddamn dog treat._

Obito stares at the offering, a dry-looking bone-shaped crumbly fucking dog treat. One of them is going insane (that’s just what parenthood does) but depending on who, Obito really might be funeral planning. And also going to prison.

“Hatake.”

“Hatake.”

Ah, right, that doesn’t work anymore. He'll never get used to that. “What is that?”

“What’s it look like?”

“Don’t. I’m. About to drop you from the Hokage Monument you--" He inhales, but it doesn't do anything to cool the hot air burning his lungs. " _Dog treats?_ What the hell are you thinking?! She’s not a--a puppy!” The words are sputtering out of his mouth, clumsy and not at all how he planned. The heat escapes his chest and rises into his neck and face and his words are coming out strangled and Kakashi-- _he thinks it’s funny._ He knows that he’s smiling, _sees it in his eyes_ and that makes his tongue flop around like a dying fish. The baby in his arms means that the strangling plan is a no-go. “She is **not** a puppy!”

“Maa... She likes them well enough,” he says, casual, like Obito isn’t having an aneurysm. He squashes the baby’s cheek who ignores him to slobber over the puppy's head. “Must run in the family. Try one.”

“Are you- You're insane. You’ve lost it. I knew this would happen." He brushes the crumbs off the baby's face, shaking his head. "I told sensei on our wedding day that there’s something not right about you and I was-”

Kakashi’s quick. He lodges the treat halfway into Obito’s mouth and, in surprise, Obito bites down. There's a loud crack as the treat splits in half and he pauses.

_Sweet. Like a cookie._

“Bastard,” he spits, tongue pushing the biscuit into the pouch of his cheek. “You’ve been fucking with me.”

“It was Sakura’s idea. Sasuke and Naruto helped make them,” Kakashi said, breaking off a small piece from the other half. The baby, watching, opens her mouth. Kakashi chuckles and carefully places it betwixt her teeth so she chews it easily. “Something about making them finish all the D-rank missions?”

“Brats.” As if that was oh-so-hard. Judging by their constant moaning you'd have thought he made them clean every public building in Konoha. S-rank missions don’t make a good shinobi. It all starts with helping the people around you, no matter how mundane. He crushes the cookie between his teeth. If they put anywhere near as much effort into those missions as they did these biscuits they’d have finished in a couple of hours. “And you’re King Brat.”

“That’s a funny way of saying, ‘you got me.’“

“Mhm.” He repositions the infant on his hip who babbles at the both of them. Or one of them. Or none. It’s hard to tell at this stage. “Well, this means war. So you go make dinner while we plan our revenge.”

“Oh, I’m so scared,” Kakashi mocks. He kisses the baby's head and walks to the door. Obito sticks his tongue out at his husband’s back.

“He should be,” he murmurs once Kakashi’s footsteps fade away. He winks at the baby now staring up at him. “You and I are gonna be partners in crime. Got it?”

She squawks before pushing the puppy to his face. Snorting, he dodges the canine and kisses her cheek. “I’ll take that as a yes.”


End file.
